and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
