If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
