Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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