the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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