chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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