If i come over, it means nothing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
