i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
