my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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