But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize