I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
