to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
