we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
