It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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