it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have fence marks all over my body
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
