Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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