How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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