where am i from again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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