Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
