Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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