Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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