I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
