Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
