after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
