I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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