Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
