I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
