if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
