ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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