I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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