So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
