I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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