You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
