sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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