dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
