So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
