I faked an abortion last night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
