She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
