census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
