I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you would pick up someone in the library
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
