They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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