R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
