am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
