Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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