My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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