Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
