Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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