I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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