Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
