I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
love makes seman taste better
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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