Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
