I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
