OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He kissed a someone with a penis
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
