this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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