when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
