How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
