I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
