apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
there is glitter all over my balls
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