I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
