so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
