If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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