Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
