He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
