apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
