Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
